“He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” — Proverbs 18:13
Lesson
What You Will Learn
- Reflect content by paraphrasing in your own words
- Reflect feelings using an accurate feeling word
- Reflect meaning and values beneath the story
- Summarize a conversation and check for accuracy
Lesson Notes
Why Reflect?
Reflecting means giving back, in your own words, what you heard so she can hear herself and correct you if needed. It proves you are listening, slows the conversation down, and often helps her understand her own heart.
BTO 102 introduced paraphrasing for workplace instructions. Here we go deeper: reflecting content, feelings, and meaning in caring conversations.
Reflecting Content and Feelings
Content is the facts and events: “So your transfer was moved up two weeks, and you haven't been able to tell your daughter yet.”
Feelings are the emotions underneath: “You sound worried she'll hear it from someone else first.”
A full reflection joins both: You feel ___ because ___. Choose a feeling word that fits her intensity. Annoyed and furious are different; a little nervous and terrified are different. Use the feeling-words list in your Companion.
Offer reflections tentatively: It sounds like…, I wonder if…, Am I hearing that…? If you are wrong, thank her for correcting you.
Reflecting Meaning
Beneath the story are values and hopes: “Being there for your kids matters to you more than anything.” Reflecting meaning helps a woman see what she cares about, which is where hope and next steps often begin.
Avoid parroting, repeating her exact words back every time. It can sound robotic. Use your own words and keep reflections short.
Summarizing
A summary pulls several points together, usually at transitions or near the end: “Let me make sure I have it. You're worried about the transfer, you want to tell your daughter yourself, and you're hoping to write her this week. Did I miss anything?”
Summaries help a scattered conversation find focus and show her that every part of what she said was heard.
Key Terms
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Paraphrase | Restating the content in your own words |
| Reflection of feeling | Naming the emotion you hear, tentatively |
| Reflection of meaning | Naming the value or hope beneath the story |
| Summary | Pulling several points together and checking for accuracy |
In-Class Activities
Feeling Word Ladder
For each base feeling (sad, angry, afraid, glad, ashamed), write three words from mild to strong. Example: uneasy → anxious → terrified.
Then write a reflection for this statement: “I've written my sister three times and she hasn't written back.”
Reflection Triad
Speaker uses a scenario card and talks in short pieces. After each piece, the Listener reflects content, feeling, or meaning (no questions this round). At the end, the Listener gives a summary and asks, “Did I get that right?”
Observer checks: paraphrased content; named a feeling accurately; reflected meaning at least once; avoided parroting; gave a summary; checked accuracy; accepted correction gracefully. Rotate.
Assignment: Reflection Practice Sheet
For each of the six practice statements on your worksheet:
- Write a reflection of content.
- Write a reflection of feeling (use a precise feeling word).
- For three of them, write a reflection of meaning.
Then write a two-sentence summary that could close one of the conversations.
Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.
Reflection Journal
Proverbs 18:13 warns against answering before hearing. When has someone misunderstood you because they answered too soon? How might reflecting before responding change your relationships?
Prayer focus: Ask God to help you hear fully before you answer, and to reflect His understanding to others.
Weekly Reading & Devotions
Hearing Herself Back
Reflecting is like holding up a gentle mirror. When you say back what you heard, in your own words, she gets to hear her own story from the outside. Sometimes that is when understanding dawns.
There are layers to reflect. Content is what happened. Feelings are the emotions underneath. Meaning is the value or hope beneath both: Being a good mother matters more to you than anything. Each layer goes a little deeper.
Choose feeling words carefully. Frustrated and furious are not the same. A precise word shows that you understand. Offer it as a guess: It sounds like… Am I hearing that right? When she corrects you, thank her; now you understand better.
Summaries tie things together. When a conversation wanders, a short summary helps both of you see the main threads and shows that every part of her story mattered to you.
Think About It
- Which kind of reflection feels hardest for you? ______________________
- Which feeling words do you rarely use? ______________________
- How might reflecting change a hard conversation at home? ______________________
Daily Devotions for Week 4
Hear Before You Answer
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.— Proverbs 18:13 (KJV)
Answering too soon misses the real matter. Reflect first.
Reflect: When did you answer before you understood?
Pray: Lord, help me hear fully first.
Do: Paraphrase before responding in one conversation today.
Fitly Spoken
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.— Proverbs 25:11 (KJV)
The right word at the right time is beautiful. A precise reflection is a fitly spoken word.
Reflect: What words have been golden to you?
Pray: Lord, give me fitting words.
Do: Practice three feeling words from the Quick Guide.
Sparing Words
He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.— Proverbs 17:27 (KJV)
Short reflections are often best. Fewer words leave more room for her.
Reflect: Where could you use fewer words?
Pray: Lord, give me an excellent spirit.
Do: Keep each reflection to one sentence today.
Known Altogether
For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.— Psalm 139:4 (KJV)
God understands us completely. We reflect a small measure of His understanding when we listen well.
Reflect: How does it feel to be fully known?
Pray: Lord, thank You for knowing me altogether.
Do: Tell God one thing you've never put into words.
Tears in a Bottle
Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?— Psalm 56:8 (KJV)
God notices every tear. Naming feelings honors what God already sees.
Reflect: What feelings have you kept unnamed?
Pray: Lord, thank You for keeping my tears.
Do: Name your own feelings at the end of today.
Module Quiz
- 1.
“You feel discouraged because the job you hoped for went to someone else” is a reflection of:
- 2.
Repeating someone's exact words back every time is called:
- 3.
Which is the best way to offer a reflection?
- 4.
If a speaker corrects your reflection, you have failed and should stop reflecting.
- 5.
What is a summary, and when is it useful?