“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” — Proverbs 15:1
Lesson
What You Will Learn
- Recognize your personal anger triggers and early warning signs
- Use calming and de-escalation techniques
- Apply a step-by-step process to resolve conflict
- Practice forgiveness as a choice
Lesson Notes
Know Your Triggers
A trigger is anything that sets off a strong reaction: being disrespected, being ignored, feeling accused. Early warning signs include a hot face, clenched jaw, fast heartbeat, or racing thoughts. Noticing them early gives you a choice.
Calming Yourself
- Breathe slowly: in for four counts, hold for four, out for six.
- Take a pause: “Let me think about that and get back to you.”
- Pray a short prayer: “Lord, help me answer well.”
- Lower your voice instead of raising it.
Resolving Conflict: the CALM Steps
- Cool down first.
- Ask to talk privately and listen to their side.
- Lay out your view with I statements.
- Make a plan together and agree on next steps.
If safety is at risk, walk away and involve a supervisor.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay, and it doesn't always mean trusting again. It means releasing the debt to God so bitterness doesn't control you. It is often a process, not a single moment.
Key Terms
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Trigger | Something that sets off a strong emotional reaction |
| De-escalate | To calm a tense situation |
| I-statement | “I feel… when… I need…” |
| Forgiveness | Choosing to release a debt to God |
In-Class Activities
My Trigger Map
Write three of your triggers, the warning signs in your body, and one calming strategy for each.
CALM Role-Play
In pairs, use the CALM steps for this scenario: a coworker keeps leaving her work for you to finish at the end of the shift.
Assignment: Conflict Plan
Think of a past conflict (work, family, or unit). Without naming others:
- Describe what happened in three sentences.
- Rewrite how it could have gone using the CALM steps.
- Write one I-statement you could have used.
Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.
Reflection Journal
Proverbs 15:1 says a soft answer turns away wrath. Is there someone you need to forgive, even if you never speak to them again? What would it look like to begin that process with God?
Prayer focus: Ask God to help you release bitterness and to give you a soft answer in hard moments.
Weekly Reading & Devotions
Choosing Peace Without Losing Yourself
Conflict is part of every workplace. The question is not whether it will happen, but how you will respond. For many women coming home, the stakes feel especially high: a single outburst can cost a job or even freedom.
Start by knowing your triggers, the things that set off a strong reaction: feeling disrespected, accused, ignored, or controlled. Notice your early warning signs: a hot face, clenched jaw, fast heartbeat, racing thoughts. Those signs are a gift. They give you a moment to choose.
In that moment, calm yourself first. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, out for six. Say, Let me think about that and get back to you. Pray a short prayer: Lord, help me answer well. Walking away to cool down is often the strongest choice you can make.
Then use the CALM steps: Cool down, Ask to talk privately and listen, Lay out your view with I statements, and Make a plan together. If safety is at risk, leave and involve a supervisor.
Forgiveness is part of this work. Forgiveness does not mean what happened was okay, and it does not require trusting someone again or staying in contact. It means releasing the debt to God so bitterness does not control you. Often it is a process, not a single moment.
Think About It
- What are your top three triggers? ______________________
- What is one calming strategy that works for you? ______________________
- Is there someone you are beginning to forgive? ______________________
Daily Devotions for Week 6
A Soft Answer
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.— Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
Harsh words pour gasoline on a fire. Soft words pour water. In every conflict, we choose which one we bring.
Reflect: What do you usually bring to conflict: water or gasoline?
Pray: Lord, make me a peacemaker.
Do: Respond softly to one frustrating moment today.
Ruling Your Spirit
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.— Proverbs 16:32 (KJV)
Real strength is self-control. Walking away from a fight takes more power than winning one.
Reflect: When have you shown strength by walking away?
Pray: Lord, help me rule my spirit.
Do: Practice the 4-4-6 breath three times today.
Blessed Peacemakers
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.— Matthew 5:9 (KJV)
Peacemakers are not people who avoid all conflict. They are people who work toward peace. God calls them His children.
Reflect: Where could you make peace this week?
Pray: Lord, make me a peacemaker.
Do: Take one step toward peace in a strained relationship.
Forgiven to Forgive
Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.— Ephesians 4:32 (KJV)
We forgive because we have been forgiven. This does not erase harm, but it frees us from carrying bitterness.
Reflect: Who is God inviting you to begin forgiving?
Pray: Lord, help me forgive as I have been forgiven.
Do: Write a prayer releasing one hurt to God (you don't have to send anything to anyone).
Let Not the Sun Go Down
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.— Ephesians 4:26 (KJV)
Anger itself is not sin. What we do with it matters. Dealing with anger quickly keeps it from growing into bitterness.
Reflect: What anger have you carried too long?
Pray: Lord, help me be angry without sinning.
Do: Before bed, give today's frustrations to God in prayer.
Module Quiz
- 1.
Which is an early warning sign of anger?
- 2.
In the CALM steps, what comes first?
- 3.
Which is an I-statement?
- 4.
Forgiving someone always means you must trust them again.
- 5.
Describe one breathing or calming technique.