Starting Well: Matching, First Meeting, and the Mentoring Covenant

What You Will Learn

• Describe healthy ways mentors and mentees are matched
• Plan a warm, clear first meeting
• Set shared expectations from the start
• Draft a simple written mentoring covenant covering frequency, confidentiality and its limits, length, and how to end

Lesson Notes

Matching Well

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3). Good mentoring begins with a good match. Most healthy mentoring happens through a church, chaplaincy, or re-entry program that matches women thoughtfully. A program may consider:

• Willingness: both women freely want this; no one is pressured.
• Fit: shared goals, a workable schedule, and a mentor with some experience in what the mentee is facing.
• Safety and rules: facility, program, and supervision rules allow the relationship. If either woman is on supervision, check with the supervising officer before any contact. Some conditions limit contact with people who have records.
• Women mentor women.

Outside a program, ask your pastor or chaplain to help, so there is accountability from day one. Pray before you say yes (Luke 6:12–13).

The First Meeting

A first meeting is mostly about trust and clarity. Keep it simple:

1. Welcome: greet her warmly, thank her for coming, and say a little about yourself.

2. Listen: What made you interested in having a mentor? What are you hoping for?

3. Explain: what a mentor is and is not (Module 2).

4. Expectations: talk through how often you will meet, where, for how long, and how you will stay in touch.

5. Confidentiality and its limits: say plainly what you will keep private and what you cannot keep secret.

6. Next step: agree to think and pray, and plan to sign a covenant at the next meeting if you both want to continue.

7. Pray, if she would like to.

Meet in an approved, open place as your program or facility allows.

Expectations Said Out Loud

Many mentoring relationships go wrong because expectations were never spoken. Talk early about what she hopes to grow in, what you can and cannot offer, how and when you will communicate, and what happens if one of you cancels. Writing these down is a kindness; it protects both women from hurt feelings.

A Simple Mentoring Covenant

A mentoring covenant is a short written agreement between mentor and mentee. It is not a legal contract; it is a promise of good faith. Use plain words. A covenant includes:

• Purpose: what we hope to grow in together.
• Frequency and place: for example, every other week for one hour at the church fellowship hall.
• Length: a set season, such as six months, with a review at the end. A set length makes it easy to renew or to end well.
• Communication: how and when we contact each other (see Module 6).
• Confidentiality and its limits: I will keep what you share private, except if you or someone else may be in danger, if a child or vulnerable adult may be at risk, or if the law or my program requires me to report. In those cases I will get help, and I will try to tell you first.
• Boundaries: no loans, no housing arrangements, no romantic or family entanglements.
• How to end: either woman may end the mentoring at any time by telling the other and the program coordinator; we will try to have a closing conversation.
• Signatures and date, and a copy for each woman and for the program if required.

Key Terms

In-Class Activities

First Meeting Role-Play

In pairs, using an invented scenario card, practice the seven steps of a first meeting. The mentor must explain confidentiality and its limits in her own words. Switch roles.

Afterward, write: What felt natural? What was awkward? How did the mentee respond to the confidentiality explanation?

Expectation Mismatch

Read four short composite stories where expectations were never spoken (for example, Lena expected her mentor to drive her to work; her mentor expected a weekly Bible study). For each, write the hidden expectations of both women and the sentence that would have prevented the hurt.

Assignment: Final Project Draft: My Mentoring Covenant Template

Begin Part One of your final project (see the Final Project section). Draft a one-page mentoring covenant template with blanks a real mentor and mentee could fill in. Include:

• Purpose; frequency and place; length and review date; communication.
• Confidentiality and its limits, in plain words.
• At least three boundaries (you will add more after Module 6).
• How either woman can end the mentoring.
• Lines for signatures, date, and a program contact: ____________________.

Add Amos 3:3 at the top or bottom.

Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.

Reflection Journal

Amos 3:3 asks, Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Think of a relationship that was hurt by unspoken expectations. What might have helped? What expectations do you tend to keep unspoken?

Prayer focus: Ask God to guide every mentoring match, and to give you clear, honest words so that you and another woman can walk together in agreement.

Saying It Out Loud

Lena and her mentor both meant well. (Both are composite examples.) Lena hoped her mentor would drive her to work. Her mentor hoped they would study the Bible together. Neither said so. Within a month, both felt let down.

Amos asks, Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Most mentoring hurts come from expectations that were never spoken. A good first meeting puts them on the table: what she hopes for, what you can and cannot offer, how often you will meet, and how you will stay in touch.

A simple written mentoring covenant helps. It is not a legal contract. It is a promise of good faith in plain words: purpose, frequency, length, communication, confidentiality and its limits, boundaries, and how either woman can end the relationship.

Saying the limits of confidentiality at the start is a kindness. I'll keep what you share private, unless someone may be in danger. Then I'll get help, because I care about you. Said early and warmly, it builds trust instead of breaking it.

Think About It

1. Think of a relationship hurt by unspoken expectations. What would have helped? ______________________
2. How would you explain the limits of confidentiality in your own words? ______________________
3. What would you want in a mentoring covenant if you were the mentee? ______________________

Daily Devotions for Week 3

Walking Together

Can two walk together, except they be agreed?— Amos 3:3 (KJV)

Agreement about the path makes the walk possible.

Reflect: Where do you need to say an expectation out loud?

Pray: Lord, give me clear and kind words.

Do: Tell someone one thing you need, plainly and gently.

Two Are Better

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.— Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 (KJV)

God designed us to walk with others.

Reflect: Who lifts you up when you fall?

Pray: Lord, thank You for companions on the road.

Do: Reach out to someone who may be alone.

He Prayed First

And it came to pass in those days, that he went out into a mountain to pray, and continued all night in prayer to God.— Luke 6:12 (KJV)

Jesus prayed before choosing the Twelve. Every mentoring match deserves prayer.

Reflect: What decision do you need to pray over?

Pray: Lord, guide my relationships.

Do: Pray for wisdom before saying yes to something new.

Keep Your Word

Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.— Ecclesiastes 5:5 (KJV)

Promise only what you can keep. A small promise kept builds more trust than a big one broken.

Reflect: Have you promised more than you can give?

Pray: Lord, make me faithful in my word.

Do: Keep one small promise today, exactly as you said.

Commit Thy Works

Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.— Proverbs 16:3 (KJV)

Begin with God, and He will steady your plans.

Reflect: What new beginning can you commit to the Lord?

Pray: Lord, I commit my plans to You.

Do: Write one plan and pray over it.