“Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.” — Proverbs 20:5
Lesson
What You Will Learn
- Practice attentive listening as an act of love
- Ask open, gentle questions that help a mentee think and grow
- Use reflecting and summarizing to show understanding
- Apply listening skills to the Be With and Build Up parts of The Timothy Pattern
Lesson Notes
Listening Is Love
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath (James 1:19). He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him (Proverbs 18:13).
Many women have spent years being talked at. A mentor who truly listens offers something rare. Listening is the heart of Be With. It tells her, You matter, and I am not in a hurry.
Common listening blocks: interrupting, planning your answer, jumping to advice, telling your own story too soon, quoting Scripture before you understand, and looking at the clock. Everyone has blocks. Notice yours without shame.
Good Questions
Proverbs 20:5 pictures a heart as deep water. Good questions are a bucket lowered gently. Jesus asked many questions: What wilt thou that I should do unto thee? (Mark 10:51). He let people name their own needs.
- Open questions invite her to think: What has this week been like? What matters most to you about that? What do you think God might be saying?
- Closed questions get facts: Did you start the new job? Use them sparingly.
- Go easy on why. Why did you do that? can feel like an accusation. Try What led up to that?
- One question at a time. Stacked questions overwhelm.
- Never dig for painful details. A question is an invitation, never a demand. She may always say, I'd rather not talk about that.
Reflecting and Summarizing
Reflecting means saying back what you heard in your own words: It sounds like you're proud of finishing the first week, and also worn out. It shows you understand, and it helps her hear herself.
Summarizing gathers the main threads: So today we talked about the new job, your worry about the bus schedule, and wanting to call your aunt. Did I miss anything?
Offer reflections as guesses, not verdicts. If she corrects you, thank her. Now you understand better.
Questions That Build Up
Good questions also Build Up. Instead of telling her what to do, help her discover what God's Word says and what she wants to do. Useful mentoring questions:
- What is one thing that went well this week?
- Where did you see God at work?
- What is one small step you could take before we meet again?
- What might get in the way, and what could help?
Questions like these respect her as a capable woman made in God's image. They build her confidence and her walk with God, not her dependence on you.
Key Terms
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Attentive listening | Giving full attention to understand, not to reply |
| Open question | A question that invites thought and cannot be answered with yes or no |
| Reflecting | Saying back what you heard, in your own words, to show understanding |
| Summarizing | Gathering the main threads of a conversation and checking that you heard correctly |
In-Class Activities
Question Makeover
Rewrite each as an open, gentle question:
- Why didn't you go to your appointment?
- Are you reading your Bible?
- Don't you think you should call your sister?
- Did you talk to your boss, and did you get the schedule, and when do you start?
- What exactly happened that night? (Hint: this one may need to become no question at all.)
Listening Triad
In groups of three: Mentee, Mentor, Observer. The Mentee uses an invented scenario card (for example, her first week at a new job). The Mentor listens for five minutes using open questions, one reflection, and one summary.
The Observer tallies open questions, closed questions, why questions, reflections, and any advice given too soon. Rotate roles.
Assignment: My Mentoring Question Bank
Write a personal bank of 20 open questions you can use as a mentor:
- Five for opening a meeting.
- Five for understanding how she is doing.
- Five for faith and Scripture (for example, What stood out to you in this passage?).
- Five for next steps and Send Out.
Then practice listening in three everyday conversations this week. Write two sentences about each: what you did well and what you will try next time. Use no names.
Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.
Reflection Journal
Proverbs 20:5 says a person of understanding will draw it out. When has someone drawn out what was in your heart with a good question? What was it like to be truly heard?
Prayer focus: Ask God to make you swift to hear and slow to speak, and to give you questions that help others draw near to Him.
Weekly Reading & Devotions
Drawing Out Deep Water
Proverbs says the counsel in a person's heart is like deep water, and a person of understanding will draw it out. Good questions are a bucket lowered gently. Many women already know more than they think; they need someone patient enough to help them find it.
Open questions invite thought: What was the hardest part of your week? What do you think God might be saying? Closed questions get facts. Use them sparingly. And go easy on why, which can feel like an accusation. What led up to that? opens doors.
Listening means attending to understand, not to reply. Watch for your own blocks: interrupting, planning your answer, giving advice too soon, or telling your own story first. Reflect back what you hear. Summarize at the end. Offer your understanding as a guess and welcome correction.
Never dig for painful details. A question is an invitation, never a demand. She can always say, I'd rather not talk about that, and a good mentor smiles and moves on.
Think About It
- Who has asked you a question that helped you see something new? ______________________
- Which listening block shows up most in you? ______________________
- Which open question will you practice this week? ______________________
Daily Devotions for Week 4
Swift to Hear
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:— James 1:19 (KJV)
Hearing comes first. It makes room for another's heart.
Reflect: When are you quickest to speak?
Pray: Lord, make me swift to hear.
Do: Let someone finish completely before you answer.
Deep Water
Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.— Proverbs 20:5 (KJV)
God has placed wisdom in people. Questions help it rise.
Reflect: What wisdom might be waiting in someone near you?
Pray: Lord, give me understanding.
Do: Ask one open question and wait for the answer.
Hear Before You Answer
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.— Proverbs 18:13 (KJV)
Answering too soon misses the real matter.
Reflect: When did you answer before you understood?
Pray: Lord, help me hear fully first.
Do: Reflect back what you heard before giving any opinion.
What Wilt Thou?
And Jesus answered and said unto him, What wilt thou that I should do unto thee? The blind man said unto him, Lord, that I might receive my sight.— Mark 10:51 (KJV)
Jesus asked instead of assuming. He let the man name his own need.
Reflect: What would you say if Jesus asked you this today?
Pray: Lord, help me ask before I assume.
Do: Ask someone, “What would help most right now?”
He Hath Heard
I love the LORD, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.— Psalm 116:1 (KJV)
God listens to you. Your listening can reflect His.
Reflect: How does it feel to know God hears you?
Pray: Lord, thank You for hearing me.
Do: Tell God honestly what is on your heart today.
Module Quiz
- 1.
James 1:19 says to be:
- 2.
Which is an open question?
- 3.
A better way to ask *Why did you do that?* is:
- 4.
A mentor should press for details of painful past events so she can help.
- 5.
What is the difference between reflecting and summarizing?