“But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:” — Ephesians 4:15
Lesson
What You Will Learn
- Encourage a mentee with specific, truthful words
- Speak hard truths with love, permission, and humility
- Avoid shaming, lecturing, or controlling
- Practice one full mentoring conversation for the final project role-play
Lesson Notes
The Ministry of Encouragement
The early church nicknamed a man Barnabas, (which is, being interpreted, The son of consolation) (Acts 4:36). He welcomed Paul when others were afraid of him (Acts 9:27). Encouragement is a ministry.
But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day (Hebrews 3:13). Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Good encouragement is:
- Specific: not You're doing great, but You got to work on time every day this week, even with two bus transfers. That took real determination.
- True: never flattery.
- Pointed to God: I see God's grace at work in you.
Truth in Love
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things (Ephesians 4:15). Truth without love wounds. Love without truth leaves people stuck. Together they help a sister grow toward Christ.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful (Proverbs 27:6). A true friend sometimes says hard things. But Paul also says to restore someone in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted (Galatians 6:1). We speak as fellow sinners saved by grace.
How to Speak a Hard Truth
Use these steps, which we will call LOVE:
- L — Listen first. Make sure you understand. Earn the right to speak.
- O — Offer, with permission. Can I share something I've noticed? If she says no, respect it.
- V — Very specific, very brief. Describe what you saw without labeling her: You've mentioned skipping your meeting three times this month, not You're being irresponsible.
- E — Explore together. Return to listening: What do you make of that? What might help? Point to Scripture and leave the choice with her.
Never shame, threaten, or lecture. Never use Scripture as a weapon. Never use God told me to win an argument. If a hard truth involves danger, it is no longer only a conversation; follow the get-help-now steps.
Your Role-Play Conversation
For Part Three of your final project, you will role-play one 10–15 minute mentoring conversation with a classmate playing a composite mentee. A strong conversation includes a warm check-in, open questions and reflections, specific encouragement, a truth in love (LOVE) or a referral, a fitting Scripture, a next step the mentee chooses, and a closing. Practice this week; perform it in Module 8.
Key Terms
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Encouragement | Specific, truthful words that give courage and point to God's grace |
| Truth in love | Honest words given with humility, permission, and care so another can grow (Ephesians 4:15) |
| LOVE steps | Listen first; Offer with permission; Very specific and brief; Explore together |
| Flattery | Praise that is untrue or used to get something; the opposite of real encouragement |
In-Class Activities
Encouragement Upgrade
Rewrite each general compliment as specific, true encouragement for an invented mentee:
- Good job.
- You're so strong.
- I'm proud of you.
- You're a good mom.
- Keep it up.
Then write one encouragement that points to God's work in her.
LOVE Practice Triad
In groups of three, practice a hard-truth conversation using an invented scenario card (for example, she has been late to work three times and blames everyone else). The Mentor uses the four LOVE steps. The Observer checks each step and notes any shaming or lecturing. Rotate roles.
Assignment: Final Project Draft: Role-Play Plan
Prepare for Part Three of your final project (see the Final Project section). Choose one of the instructor's composite scenarios. On one page, write:
- A short description of the composite mentee and the situation.
- Three open questions you plan to ask.
- Two specific encouragements you might give.
- Either a truth you might speak (with all four LOVE steps) or the referral you would make and how you would say it.
- One KJV verse you might offer, and why it fits.
- How you would close the meeting.
Practice the conversation once with a partner and write three sentences about how it went.
Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.
Reflection Journal
Ephesians 4:15 joins truth and love. Is it easier for you to be truthful or to be loving? Think of a time someone told you a hard truth well. What made it possible for you to hear it?
Prayer focus: Ask God to make you a Barnabas who encourages, and to give you courage and gentleness to speak the truth in love.
Weekly Reading & Devotions
Barnabas and the Hard Word
The apostles gave Joses a nickname: Barnabas, the son of consolation. When everyone else was afraid of Paul, Barnabas took him by the hand and brought him to the apostles. One encourager changed the course of church history.
Real encouragement is specific and true. Not Good job, but You called your case manager even though you were nervous. That took courage. Specific words tell a woman that you noticed, and they show her what to keep doing.
Sometimes love also needs a hard word. Use LOVE: Listen first. Offer, with permission: Can I share something I've noticed? Be Very specific and brief, describing without labeling. Then Explore together: What do you make of that? Leave the choice with her.
Truth without love wounds. Love without truth leaves people stuck. Together, they help a sister grow up into him in all things. And if a hard truth involves danger, it is no longer just a conversation; get help.
Think About It
- Is it easier for you to be truthful or to be loving? ______________________
- What specific encouragement could you give someone this week? ______________________
- How did someone once tell you a hard truth well? ______________________
Daily Devotions for Week 5
Truth in Love
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:— Ephesians 4:15 (KJV)
Truth and love belong together. Both help us grow toward Christ.
Reflect: Which comes harder for you, truth or love?
Pray: Lord, help me speak truth with love.
Do: Ask permission before sharing an honest observation.
Son of Consolation
And Joses, who by the apostles was surnamed Barnabas, (which is, being interpreted, The son of consolation,) a Levite, and of the country of Cyprus,— Acts 4:36 (KJV)
Barnabas was known for encouragement. What might people call you?
Reflect: Who needs a Barnabas this week?
Pray: Lord, make me an encourager.
Do: Give one specific, true encouragement today.
Exhort Daily
But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.— Hebrews 3:13 (KJV)
Encouragement is daily work. It keeps hearts soft.
Reflect: Whose heart could you strengthen today?
Pray: Lord, let me encourage someone every day.
Do: Write a short note of encouragement.
Faithful Wounds
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.— Proverbs 27:6 (KJV)
A true friend tells the truth, gently and for our good.
Reflect: Who has loved you enough to be honest?
Pray: Lord, give me friends who tell me the truth, and make me one.
Do: Thank someone who once told you a hard truth well.
In Meekness
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.— Galatians 6:1 (KJV)
We restore others as fellow sinners saved by grace.
Reflect: Where do you need to remember your own need for grace?
Pray: Lord, keep me humble and gentle.
Do: Before correcting anyone, pray for her first.
Module Quiz
- 1.
The name Barnabas means:
- 2.
The first step in the LOVE steps is:
- 3.
Which is specific encouragement?
- 4.
According to Galatians 6:1, restoration should be done in the spirit of meekness.
- 5.
Why does Ephesians 4:15 join truth and love together?