“So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.” — Job 2:13
Lesson
What You Will Learn
- Explain who delivers death and emergency notifications and why the assistant does not
- Support a person after the chaplain or staff deliver bad news
- Use silence, presence, and simple words well
- Follow up in the days and weeks after a loss
Lesson Notes
Who Delivers Bad News
In a facility, death and emergency notifications are delivered by the chaplain or designated staff, following facility procedure. They verify the information, choose the setting, and arrange any follow-up such as a phone call to family. A chaplaincy assistant does not deliver notifications, even if she hears the news first, and does not confirm rumors.
If a resident tells you she has heard something terrible from another resident or a rumor, do not confirm or deny it. Stay with her and get the chaplain or staff. I don't know, but let's get the chaplain so you can find out.
The Assistant's Role After the News
The chaplain may ask an assistant to sit with a resident after a notification, to walk with her back to her area, or to check on her later. In those moments:
- Stay. Sit nearby. You do not need to fill the silence.
- Allow any reaction. Crying, shouting, numbness, laughter, and silence can all be normal. Keep watching for safety.
- Offer simple things: a tissue, water if allowed, a quiet word: I'm so sorry. I'm here.
- Ask, don't assume: Would you like me to pray, or just sit with you?
- Link: ask what she needs and let the chaplain or staff know. Tell staff right away if she says anything about not wanting to live.
The Ministry of Silence
Job's friends began well: they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great (Job 2:13). Their trouble began when they started explaining his suffering. Job later said, miserable comforters are ye all (Job 16:2) and O that ye would altogether hold your peace! and it should be your wisdom (Job 13:5).
Silence with presence says: Your pain is too big for easy words, and I won't leave. Weep with them that weep (Romans 12:15).
Following Up
Grief does not end after the first day. Many people receive the most support right after a loss and very little weeks later. With the chaplain's guidance, an assistant can:
- Check in a few days later, and again after a week or two: I've been thinking of you. How are you today?
- Remember significant dates such as the funeral day, a birthday, or the anniversary, and offer a note or prayer.
- Offer a memorial reading or prayer if the chaplain arranges one.
- Keep watching for danger signs, especially when someone withdraws, stops eating or sleeping, or speaks of hopelessness.
Keep what she shares private, except anything about danger, which always goes to staff or the chaplain.
Key Terms
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Notification | Official delivery of news of a death or emergency, done by the chaplain or designated staff |
| Ministry of presence | Caring by being with someone, often with few words |
| Follow-up | Checking in during the days, weeks, and dates after a loss |
| Rumor | Unconfirmed news; never confirmed or spread by a caregiver |
In-Class Activities
Job's Friends: What Helped, What Hurt
Read Job 2:11–13 and Job 16:1–5 aloud as a class. Make two columns: What Helped and What Hurt. Fill in at least three items in each. Then write one sentence about what a modern caregiver can learn.
After the Chaplain Leaves
In pairs, read the composite scenario: the chaplain has just told a resident that her brother died, and has asked you to sit with her for a while. Write what you would do and say in the first ten minutes, what you would watch for, and what you would tell the chaplain afterward. (Do not role-play the notification itself.)
Assignment: Gentle Visit Guide (Draft)
Draft a one-page guide for sitting with someone after bad news (this becomes part of your final toolkit):
- Before: how you will prepare (prayer, check with the chaplain, calm yourself).
- During: five things to do, five simple things to say, and three things never to say.
- Safety: what you watch for and what you do (Get Help Now rule).
- After: what you report to the chaplain and how you will follow up over the next weeks.
- A note that the assistant never delivers notifications or confirms rumors.
Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.
Reflection Journal
Job's friends sat down with him... and none spake a word. When has someone's quiet presence meant more to you than their words? Why do you think silence is so hard for many caregivers?
Prayer focus: Ask God for the humility to sit quietly with the hurting, the wisdom to know when to speak, and faithfulness to keep checking in long after the first day.
Weekly Reading & Devotions
Seven Days on the Ground
When Job's friends heard about his losses, they came. They wept. And then they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great. For seven days, they were good comforters.
Their trouble began when they started talking: explaining his suffering, blaming him, offering answers. Job finally said, miserable comforters are ye all. Their silence had helped. Their speeches did not.
In a facility, the chaplain or designated staff deliver news of a death or emergency. A chaplaincy assistant never delivers notifications and never confirms rumors. But the chaplain may ask you to sit with someone afterward. In that moment, you are on the ground with Job. Stay. Allow tears, silence, anger, or numbness. Offer a tissue and a few simple words: I'm so sorry. I'm here. Ask before you pray. Watch for danger and get staff or the chaplain right away if she talks about not wanting to live.
Then keep coming back. Many people get support on the first day and very little after. A note a week later, a prayer on the funeral day, a quiet I've been thinking of you on her mother's birthday can say: You haven't been forgotten.
Think About It
- Why is silence so hard for many caregivers? ______________________
- What would you want someone to do after you received bad news? ______________________
- How will you remember to follow up weeks later? ______________________
Daily Devotions for Week 5
They Sat Down
So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.— Job 2:13 (KJV)
Presence can say what words cannot.
Reflect: When has someone's quiet presence comforted you?
Pray: Lord, teach me to sit quietly with the hurting.
Do: Practice two minutes of attentive silence with someone today.
Weep With Them
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.— Romans 12:15 (KJV)
We share sorrow by entering it, not explaining it.
Reflect: Who is weeping near you?
Pray: Lord, give me a heart that weeps with others.
Do: Ask someone how she is really doing, and listen.
Hold Your Peace
O that ye would altogether hold your peace! and it should be your wisdom.— Job 13:5 (KJV)
Sometimes wisdom is choosing not to speak.
Reflect: When have your words added to someone's pain?
Pray: Lord, set a watch over my mouth.
Do: Before speaking to someone grieving today, pause and pray.
A Friend at All Times
A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.— Proverbs 17:17 (KJV)
True friends show up in adversity, and keep showing up.
Reflect: Who needs your faithful friendship this week?
Pray: Lord, make me a friend for hard times.
Do: Write a short note to someone who lost a loved one.
Never Forsaken
I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.— Hebrews 13:5 (KJV)
God's presence does not fade after the first day of grief.
Reflect: How can you reflect God's faithfulness in follow-up?
Pray: Lord, thank You that You never leave.
Do: Mark a date to check in on someone who is grieving.
Module Quiz
- 1.
Who delivers news of a death to a resident?
- 2.
A resident heard a rumor that her cousin died and asks you if it is true. You should:
- 3.
What did Job's friends do well at first?
- 4.
Grief support should usually end after the first day.
- 5.
Name three simple things a caregiver can say or offer after bad news.