“Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.” — Proverbs 20:5
Lesson
What You Will Learn
- Practice active listening and open questions
- Guide a mentee to set her own goals and next steps
- Keep clear boundaries, including never handling others' money or passwords
- Refer to qualified professionals and follow basic ethics
Lesson Notes
Listening First
James 1:19 says let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak. Mentoring starts with listening. Give full attention, do not interrupt, and reflect back what you heard: It sounds like the rent is the biggest worry right now. Proverbs 18:13 warns that answering before he heareth is folly and shame.
Your goal is not to fix her life. It is to help her see clearly and take her own next step.
Asking Good Questions
Open questions draw out understanding (Proverbs 20:5). Jesus often asked questions, such as What wilt thou that I should do unto thee? (Mark 10:51).
- What would you like to be different with money in three months?
- What is one bill that worries you most?
- What has worked for you before?
- What is one step you could take this week?
Let her choose the goal. People follow through on plans they make themselves. End each meeting with one written step and a follow-up date.
Boundaries That Protect Both of You
- Never handle her money: do not hold cash, cards, checks, or benefits for her, and do not pay her bills from your account.
- Never ask for or use passwords, PINs, or account logins. If you review a budget, she brings her own written numbers.
- Do not lend money, co-sign, or borrow from someone you mentor.
- Meet in safe, appropriate places, such as the church during office hours, and keep time limits.
- Check your conditions of release before mentoring anyone who is under supervision; some conditions restrict contact with people who have records.
Referrals and Ethics
Know your limits and refer: tax questions to a tax preparer or free tax-help site, legal problems to legal aid, housing crises to a HUD-approved housing counselor, debt management to a nonprofit credit counseling agency, emotional crises to a pastor, chaplain, or licensed counselor, and danger to 911. Jethro told Moses, thou art not able to perform it thyself alone (Exodus 18:18).
Ethics: keep confidences (within safety limits), never sell products or take referral fees, disclose any conflict of interest, avoid favoritism, and keep simple notes of meetings if your ministry asks you to. Formal financial coaching and credit counseling roles may require training or credentials; requirements vary, so check before offering services under those titles.
Key Terms
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Active listening | Giving full attention and reflecting back what you hear |
| Open question | A question that cannot be answered with yes or no |
| Boundary | A clear limit that protects both mentor and mentee |
| Referral | Connecting someone to a qualified professional or service |
In-Class Activities
Listening Practice
In pairs, one partner talks for three minutes about a composite money worry from the instructor's card. The listener may only ask open questions and reflect back. Switch. Write two open questions that worked well.
Boundary Check
Read the eight mentoring situations. For each, write OK or Boundary and what you would say. Examples: she asks you to hold her paycheck; she wants you to log into her bank app; she asks you to meet at her apartment late at night; she brings a written list of her bills.
Assignment: Session Plans for Sessions 3 and 4 and Referral List
Write full session plans for Sessions 3 and 4 of your workshop using the six-part structure.
- Include one session activity that practices listening or goal-setting.
- Create a one-page referral list by category (tax help, legal aid, housing counseling, nonprofit credit counseling, domestic violence help, counseling, emergency: 911). Use category names; your instructor will help verify local resources where possible.
- Write three mentoring boundaries you will keep.
Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.
Reflection Journal
Proverbs 20:5 says a person of understanding draws out the counsel of the heart. Who has listened to you well? What makes listening hard for you, and what boundary do you most need to keep when helping others?
Prayer focus: Ask God for ears that listen, wisdom to ask good questions, and courage to keep healthy boundaries.
Weekly Reading & Devotions
Drawing Out Deep Water
Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out (Proverbs 20:5). A good mentor does not pour her answers into someone else. She listens, asks, and helps the other woman discover her own next step.
Jesus asked questions even when He knew the answer: What wilt thou that I should do unto thee? (Mark 10:51). Good questions sound like this: What would you like to be different in three months? What has worked before? What is one step for this week?
Boundaries protect both of you. Never hold someone's cash, cards, or benefits. Never ask for passwords, PINs, or logins. Do not lend, borrow, or co-sign. Meet in safe places with time limits. If you are under supervision, check your conditions before mentoring someone else who is.
You are not meant to carry everything. Jethro told Moses, thou art not able to perform it thyself alone (Exodus 18:18). Refer tax questions, legal problems, housing crises, debt management, and emotional crises to the right helpers. Formal coaching and credit counseling roles may require credentials, and requirements vary, so check before using those titles.
Think About It
- Who has listened to you well, and how did it feel? ______________________
- Which boundary will be hardest for you to keep? ______________________
- What referral categories do you need to fill in on your list? ______________________
Daily Devotions for Week 6
Deep Water
Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.— Proverbs 20:5 (KJV)
Listening draws out what is in someone's heart.
Reflect: What question could help someone open up?
Pray: Lord, give me understanding.
Do: Ask one open question today and listen fully.
Swift to Hear
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:— James 1:19 (KJV)
Listening first prevents mistakes.
Reflect: When do you rush to speak?
Pray: Lord, make me swift to hear.
Do: In one conversation, listen before giving any advice.
Hear Before Answering
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.— Proverbs 18:13 (KJV)
Answering too fast can hurt.
Reflect: Have you ever answered too quickly?
Pray: Lord, slow my tongue.
Do: Reflect back what someone says before replying.
Not Alone
Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou art not able to perform it thyself alone.— Exodus 18:18 (KJV)
Referrals and boundaries keep helpers from burning out.
Reflect: What are you trying to carry alone?
Pray: Lord, show me when to share the load.
Do: Add two categories to your referral list.
Honest Things
Providing for honest things, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men.— 2 Corinthians 8:21 (KJV)
Ethics protect our witness. Never handle others' money or passwords.
Reflect: Where do you need clearer boundaries?
Pray: Lord, keep my dealings honest.
Do: Write three mentoring boundaries on an index card.
Module Quiz
- 1.
Which is an open question?
- 2.
A mentee asks you to log into her bank account to check her balance. You should:
- 3.
Debt management questions are best referred to:
- 4.
A mentor may lend money to a mentee if the need is urgent.
- 5.
Name three mentoring boundaries.