“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.” — Matthew 5:23–24
Lesson
What You Will Learn
- Explain biblical amends from Matthew 5:23–24 and the story of Zacchaeus
- Distinguish direct, indirect, and living amends
- Identify when amends would cause harm or break legal restrictions
- Plan wise amends with guidance from a mentor and, where needed, a case manager or attorney
Lesson Notes
Repair as Worship
Jesus taught that reconciling with someone we have wronged matters so much it should come before offering a gift at the altar (Matthew 5:23–24). Making Things Right is the stage where repentance turns into repair.
Zacchaeus showed what this looks like: Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold (Luke 19:8). His amends were specific, generous, and came after he had received Jesus' welcome. Grace came first; repair followed.
Kinds of Amends
- Direct amends: a sincere apology and, where possible, repair, such as repaying a debt.
- Indirect amends: when direct contact is not possible or wise, doing good in a related way, such as serving others or giving.
- Living amends: a changed life over time, especially toward family. Children often need to see consistency more than hear apologies.
A good apology names the wrong without excuses, acknowledges the impact, does not demand forgiveness, and states what will change.
When Amends Would Cause Harm
Amends are never meant to relieve our guilt at someone else's expense. Do not make direct amends when it would reopen a wound the other person wants left closed, put anyone in danger, or involve someone else's private information.
Never contact a victim, witness, or anyone with whom contact is restricted by a court order, parole or probation condition, or facility rule. Talk first with your case manager, parole or probation officer, or attorney about what is permitted. Leaders do not give legal advice. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men (Romans 12:18).
Planning Wise Amends
Make a list with God's help and a mentor's guidance. For each person, ask: Is contact safe and allowed? What would truly help this person? Is now the right time? Some amends will wait years; some will only be prayers and a changed life.
Then leave the results to God. The other person may not respond, accept, or forgive. Our part is faithful obedience; their response belongs to them.
Key Terms
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Making Things Right | Stage 5: repairing harm wisely where it is safe and possible (Matthew 5:23–24) |
| Direct amends | A sincere apology and repair made to the person harmed |
| Living amends | A changed life over time that shows repentance |
| Restricted contact | Contact limited or forbidden by court order, supervision condition, or facility rule |
In-Class Activities
Anatomy of an Apology
Read four sample apologies (all composite). For each, check whether it names the wrong, avoids excuses, acknowledges impact, does not demand forgiveness, and states what will change. Rewrite the weakest apology.
Wise or Unwise Amends?
For each of eight composite situations, write D (direct amends may be wise), I (indirect or living amends instead), or W (wait and seek guidance first). Give a reason, and name who should be consulted when legal restrictions may apply.
Assignment: Amends Planning Worksheet
Complete a planning worksheet for three composite people a woman in recovery might have harmed (for example, a parent, a child, a former employer). Do not use real names or details from your own case.
- For each: kind of harm in general terms, type of amends (direct, indirect, or living), and why.
- One safety or legal question to ask a case manager, supervising officer, or attorney before acting.
- A sample apology for one of them that meets all five apology marks.
- Luke 19:8 written out and one sentence on what Zacchaeus teaches.
Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.
Reflection Journal
Matthew 5:23–24 shows that God cares about broken relationships. Without names or details, write about a relationship you hope God will restore someday. What might a living amends look like there? What part must you leave in God's hands?
Prayer focus: Ask God for courage to make things right, wisdom to know when and how, and peace to leave the results with Him.
Weekly Reading & Devotions
Fourfold
Zacchaeus climbed a tree to see Jesus, and Jesus called him by name and came to his house. Only after that welcome did Zacchaeus stand and say, Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold (Luke 19:8). Grace came first. Repair followed.
Making Things Right is the stage where repentance becomes repair. Sometimes that means a direct apology and repaying what was taken. Sometimes direct contact is not wise or allowed, and amends look like serving others. Often, especially with family, the most important amends are living amends: a changed life, day after day.
Wisdom matters here. Amends should never relieve our guilt at someone else's expense. Never contact a victim, a witness, or anyone with whom contact is restricted by a court order, a supervision condition, or a facility rule. Talk first with your case manager, supervising officer, or attorney about what is permitted.
When Tamika came home, her teenage son would barely speak to her. (Tamika is a composite example.) Her mentor helped her see that a long speech would not fix it. She showed up to his games, kept her word on small things, and apologized simply when she fell short. A year later he said, You're different now. That is what living amends can look like.
Think About It
- Why do you think Zacchaeus's amends came after Jesus' welcome? ______________________
- Where might living amends matter most in your life? ______________________
- Who would you check with before making amends that could involve legal restrictions? ______________________
Daily Devotions for Week 6
First Be Reconciled
Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.— Matthew 5:24 (KJV)
God cares about broken relationships as part of our worship.
Reflect: What relationship is on your heart as you worship?
Pray: Lord, show me where You want me to seek peace.
Do: Pray about one relationship and ask God for wisdom about the next step.
I Restore Him Fourfold
And Zacchaeus stood, and said unto the Lord; Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold.— Luke 19:8 (KJV)
Real repentance often shows itself in generous repair.
Reflect: What could generous repair look like for you, where it is safe and allowed?
Pray: Lord, make my repentance real and generous.
Do: Do one act of generosity today as an indirect amends.
As Much as Lieth in You
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.— Romans 12:18 (KJV)
We are responsible for our part of peace, not for others' responses.
Reflect: What is your part, and what belongs to others?
Pray: Lord, help me do my part and leave the rest with You.
Do: Write down what is yours to do and what is not.
A Soft Answer
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.— Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
Amends require humble, gentle words.
Reflect: How could a softer answer change a hard conversation?
Pray: Lord, make my words gentle.
Do: Practice a soft answer in one conversation today.
Walk Worthy
I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;— Ephesians 4:1–2 (KJV)
Living amends are a worthy walk, day after day.
Reflect: What does a worthy walk look like for you this week?
Pray: Lord, help me walk worthy of Your calling.
Do: Keep one small promise today as a living amends.
Module Quiz
- 1.
Zacchaeus's response to Jesus (Luke 19:8) is an example of:
- 2.
A changed life over time, especially toward family, is called:
- 3.
Before contacting someone connected to your case, you should:
- 4.
A good apology includes a demand that the other person forgive you.
- 5.
Name the five marks of a good apology.