“Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.” — 1 Peter 5:2–3
Lesson
What You Will Learn
- Describe the servant character of a Christ-centered group leader
- Examine motives for leading and guard against unhealthy ones
- Set healthy personal boundaries with group members
- Explain the lay leader's limits and when to refer out
Lesson Notes
A Servant, Not a Lord
Peter told leaders to care for God's people not by constraint, but willingly... Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock (1 Peter 5:2–3). Jesus said, whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister (Mark 10:43).
A recovery group leader is not the expert in the room and not the hero of anyone's story. She is a fellow traveler on The Restoration Path who has agreed to keep the group safe, keep it focused, and keep pointing to Christ.
Character Before Skills
Skills can be learned in a classroom. Character is formed over time by the Holy Spirit. Healthy group leaders are:
- Walking their own path: in honest, ongoing recovery with their own support and accountability. Take heed unto thyself (1 Timothy 4:16).
- Humble: willing to say I don't know and I was wrong.
- Trustworthy: keeping confidences within their limits, keeping their word, and showing up.
- Gentle and steady: not easily shocked, not harsh. Restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted (Galatians 6:1).
- Teachable: under the oversight of a pastor, chaplain, or ministry supervisor.
Checking Our Motives
People lead for many reasons. Some are healthy: gratitude, love, obedience to God's call. Others can quietly harm a group: needing to be needed, wanting to rescue, wanting control or attention, or trying to work out our own unhealed pain through others.
Pray honestly: Search me, O God, and know my heart (Psalm 139:23). Talk with a mentor about your motives. A leader who is in crisis herself should step back for a season and receive care, not give it.
Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries protect members and leaders alike. Healthy leaders:
- Lead same-gender groups and avoid one-on-one situations that could be misunderstood.
- Never pursue romantic, sexual, financial, or business relationships with group members.
- Do not lend money, hold belongings, carry messages, or do favors that break facility rules.
- Keep reasonable limits on time and contact, and know who to call when they are unavailable.
- Stay in their lane: no diagnosing, no medical advice, no legal advice. They refer out to doctors, licensed counselors, treatment programs, case managers, attorneys, and the chaplain.
Saying That is bigger than this group, and you deserve the right help is not failure. It is wise love.
Key Terms
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Servant leadership | Leading by serving others rather than ruling over them (Mark 10:43–44) |
| Motive | The inner reason behind what we do |
| Boundary | A healthy limit that protects safety and well-being |
| Dual relationship | Having a second role with a member (business, romantic, financial) that can confuse or harm the leader role |
In-Class Activities
Healthy or Unhealthy Motive?
Read eight statements composite leaders might make about why they lead (for example, I want to give back what God gave me or I feel important when people need me). Mark each H (healthy) or U (unhealthy) and rewrite two unhealthy ones as healthy.
Boundary Lines
In pairs, read six composite situations (a member asks to borrow money, asks for your phone number inside a facility, asks you to pass a note, calls late every night, asks your opinion on her medication, wants to meet one-on-one with a male leader). Write a kind, clear boundary response for each and who you would refer to.
Assignment: Leader's Self-Examination
Write a one-page reflection. You may write about yourself or about a composite leader.
- Copy 1 Peter 5:2–3.
- Name two healthy motives and one motive to watch for.
- List five personal boundaries you would keep as a group leader.
- Name, by role, two people who would provide oversight and accountability for you.
- Write three sentences you could use to refer someone out (for example, to a doctor, a counselor, or the chaplain).
Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.
Reflection Journal
Galatians 6:1 says to restore others considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. What parts of your own path would you need to keep tending if you led a group? Who would you want walking beside you?
Prayer focus: Ask God to give you a servant's heart, pure motives, and the courage to keep wise boundaries for the sake of the people you serve.
Weekly Reading & Devotions
Ensamples to the Flock
Peter, who once denied Jesus three times, later wrote to leaders: Feed the flock of God which is among you... Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock (1 Peter 5:2–3). He knew leaders are not perfect people. They are forgiven people who serve.
A recovery group leader is a fellow traveler, not the hero of anyone's story. Her character matters more than her skills: walking her own recovery, humble, trustworthy, gentle, and teachable. Take heed unto thyself (1 Timothy 4:16) is not selfish. A leader who neglects her own heart cannot keep others safe for long.
Motives matter too. Gratitude and love are healthy reasons to lead. Needing to be needed, wanting control, or trying to fix others are warning signs. Marisol realized she felt important when women depended on her, and she talked with her mentor about it before leading. (Marisol is a composite example.) That honesty made her a safer leader.
Healthy boundaries protect everyone: same-gender groups, no romantic, financial, or business relationships with members, no favors that break facility rules, reasonable limits on time, and no medical or legal advice. Saying That is bigger than this group, and you deserve the right help is wise love.
Think About It
- What healthy motives draw you toward leading? ______________________
- Which motive do you need to watch in yourself? ______________________
- Which boundary would be hardest for you to keep? ______________________
Daily Devotions for Week 2
Not Lords, but Ensamples
Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.— 1 Peter 5:2–3 (KJV)
Leaders serve by example, not by control.
Reflect: What example would you want to set?
Pray: Lord, make me an ensample, not a lord.
Do: Do one quiet act of service today without being asked.
Servant of All
But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.— Mark 10:43–44 (KJV)
In God's kingdom, greatness looks like service.
Reflect: Where can you serve rather than lead today?
Pray: Jesus, teach me Your way of serving.
Do: Let someone else go first today.
Take Heed unto Thyself
Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.— 1 Timothy 4:16 (KJV)
Caring for your own soul is part of caring for others.
Reflect: How is your own walk with God right now?
Pray: Lord, help me tend my own heart.
Do: Spend ten quiet minutes with God for your own soul, not for a lesson.
Search Me
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.— Psalm 139:23–24 (KJV)
We invite God to examine our motives.
Reflect: What motive might God want to purify in you?
Pray: Lord, search my heart and purify my motives.
Do: Write one honest sentence about why you want to lead.
Restore in Meekness
Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.— Galatians 6:1 (KJV)
Leaders restore gently, remembering their own weakness.
Reflect: Where do you need to remember you could also be tempted?
Pray: Lord, keep me humble and gentle.
Do: Pray for your own protection as well as for others.
Module Quiz
- 1.
First Peter 5:3 says leaders should not be *lords over God's heritage* but:
- 2.
Which motive for leading is most likely to harm a group?
- 3.
A member asks you to lend her money. A healthy response is:
- 4.
A group leader who is in crisis herself should keep leading so the group is not disappointed.
- 5.
Write one sentence you could use to refer a member to more help.