“Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.” — Matthew 26:38
Lesson
What You Will Learn
- Define the ministry of presence and its roots in God's own presence
- Describe what presence looks like in a hard moment
- Avoid common ways helpers rush, fix, or explain
- Practice calm, attentive presence in role-play
Lesson Notes
God With Us
The heart of the gospel is a God who comes near. His name is Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us (Matthew 1:23). The Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us (John 1:14). He promises, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee (Hebrews 13:5). David wrote, Whither shall I flee from thy presence?... if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there (Psalm 139:7–8).
The ministry of presence is being with someone in a hard moment as a reminder that she is not alone and that God has not left her. It is often the most important thing a chaplain or volunteer offers.
Watch With Me
In Gethsemane, Jesus did not ask His friends to solve anything. He asked, tarry ye here, and watch with me (Matthew 26:38). Even the Son of God wanted company in sorrow. When the disciples slept, He said, What, could ye not watch with me one hour? (26:40).
Job's friends began well: they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great (Job 2:13). Ruth told Naomi, whither thou goest, I will go (Ruth 1:16). Presence says, I am here, and I am staying for now.
What Presence Looks Like
- Calm: slow down your body and voice. Your peace can steady someone else.
- Attention: put other things aside. Face the person, make gentle eye contact as is comfortable for her, and notice what she is feeling.
- Few words: I'm here. I'm so sorry. Take your time. There is a time to keep silence, and a time to speak (Ecclesiastes 3:7).
- Respect: sit at her level if appropriate, ask before touching, and let her lead.
- Small kindnesses: a cup of water, a blanket, a call made for her, as permitted.
Presence is not doing nothing. It is choosing to stay, to notice, and to care without taking control.
Rushing, Fixing, and Explaining
Helpers often feel uncomfortable with pain and rush to fill the silence. Common mistakes: explaining why something happened, quoting many verses quickly, talking about our own story, promising things will be fine, or hurrying to leave. Weep with them that weep (Romans 12:15) comes before advice.
Notice what happens in your own body when someone is hurting. If you feel the urge to fix, pause, breathe slowly, and pray silently: Lord, help me stay. If a visit stirs your own memories, you may step back and talk with the chaplain afterward.
Key Terms
| Item | Details |
|---|---|
| Ministry of presence | Being with someone in a hard moment as a sign that she is not alone and God has not left her |
| Emmanuel | God with us (Matthew 1:23), the foundation of the ministry of presence |
| Attending | Giving full, calm attention to another person |
| Non-anxious presence | A calm, steady manner that helps others feel safe |
In-Class Activities
Sitting With, Not Fixing
In pairs, use an invented scenario card (for example, a woman just learned her grandmother is in the hospital and she cannot go). The listener offers presence only for three minutes: few words, calm attention, no advice, no explanations. Switch roles. Write what was hard and what helped.
Words That Help, Words That Hurt
Read twelve things people say at hospital beds, in cells, or after a disaster. Mark each P (supports presence) or R (rushes, fixes, or explains). Rewrite three R statements into words of presence.
Assignment: Presence Reflection
Write one page:
- Describe, in general terms, a time someone was simply present with you or with someone else in a hard moment. What did they do and not do? (You may use a composite example instead.)
- Explain what Matthew 26:38 teaches about presence.
- List five short phrases of presence you could use, and three phrases you will avoid.
- Describe what you will do when you feel the urge to fix or explain.
Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.
Reflection Journal
In Gethsemane, Jesus asked His friends to watch with Him. When have you needed someone to simply stay with you? When has God's presence been real to you in a hard place?
Prayer focus: Thank God that He is Emmanuel, God with us, and ask Him to make you a calm, faithful presence for people in pain.
Weekly Reading & Devotions
Watch With Me
In the garden of Gethsemane, the night before the cross, Jesus did not ask His friends for answers. He asked them to stay: tarry ye here, and watch with me (Matthew 26:38). Even the Son of God wanted company in sorrow.
Presence is often the greatest gift a chaplaincy team can give. When someone hears terrible news, she rarely needs an explanation. She needs to know she is not alone. Quiet words like I'm here and Take your time can carry more comfort than a sermon.
When the hospital volunteer sat with Mr. Reyes after his wife's surgery went badly, she barely spoke for twenty minutes. (Mr. Reyes is a composite example.) She brought him water and sat beside him. Weeks later he told the chaplain, I don't remember what she said. I remember she stayed.
Presence is hard because pain makes us want to fix things. When you feel that urge, breathe slowly and pray silently, Lord, help me stay. Emmanuel, God with us, is with you as you sit with others.
Think About It
- When has someone's presence meant more than their words? ______________________
- What makes silence hard for you? ______________________
- What phrase of presence will you practice? ______________________
Daily Devotions for Week 3
God With Us
Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.— Matthew 1:23 (KJV)
The gospel begins with God coming near. Our presence with others reflects His presence with us.
Reflect: Where do you need to remember that God is with you?
Pray: Emmanuel, thank You for being with me.
Do: Pause three times today and pray, God is with me.
Tarry and Watch
Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.— Matthew 26:38 (KJV)
Jesus asked for company in sorrow. Staying with someone is a holy thing.
Reflect: Who might need you to stay rather than speak?
Pray: Lord, teach me to watch with those who sorrow.
Do: Spend time with someone today without trying to fix anything.
Seven Days on the Ground
So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.— Job 2:13 (KJV)
Job's friends were at their best when they were silent and present.
Reflect: When is silence the most loving response?
Pray: Lord, help me know when to be quiet.
Do: In one conversation today, let a pause go unfilled.
Whither Thou Goest
And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.— Ruth 1:16 (KJV)
Ruth stayed with grieving Naomi when it would have been easier to leave.
Reflect: Who has stayed with you when it was hard?
Pray: Lord, make me faithful to people in grief.
Do: Thank someone who stayed with you in a hard season.
A Time to Keep Silence
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.— Ecclesiastes 3:7 (KJV)
Wisdom knows when words help and when they get in the way.
Reflect: Is this a season for you to speak less and listen more?
Pray: Lord, give me wisdom about when to speak.
Do: Practice saying only, I'm here, when someone shares a struggle.
Module Quiz
- 1.
In Matthew 26:38, Jesus asked His disciples to:
- 2.
*Emmanuel* means:
- 3.
Which response best shows the ministry of presence?
- 4.
The ministry of presence means doing nothing at all.
- 5.
Name three things that help a helper offer calm presence.