Lament, Prayer, and Scripture Without Clichés

What You Will Learn

• Define lament and identify its parts in Scripture
• Find lament in the Psalms, Job, and Lamentations
• Pray with the hurting simply and honestly, with permission
• Replace common clichés with words that comfort

Lesson Notes

Jesus Wept

When Jesus came to Bethany, Mary said, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died (John 11:32). Jesus did not correct her or lecture her. He groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, and Jesus wept (John 11:33–35). He wept even though He knew He would raise Lazarus. Tears are not a lack of faith. Jesus is a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3).

What Lament Is

Lament is an honest prayer of sorrow, complaint, or protest brought to God. Many of the Psalms are laments, and many of them follow a pattern:

1. Turn to God: How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? (Psalm 13:1)

2. Pour out the complaint: naming the pain honestly.

3. Ask for help: Consider and hear me, O LORD my God (Psalm 13:3).

4. Choose to trust: But I have trusted in thy mercy (Psalm 13:5).

Not every lament ends in praise. Psalm 88 ends in darkness: lover and friend hast thou put far from me (88:18). God still kept it in His Word. Job cried out for chapters. Lamentations mourns a destroyed city, yet in the middle says, This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning (Lamentations 3:21–23).

Praying With the Hurting

• Ask first: Would you like me to pray with you? Accept no gracefully.
• Keep it short and simple. A few honest sentences are enough.
• Name what she named. Lord, she misses her mother so much. She couldn't be there.
• Don't preach in prayer or use prayer to correct her feelings.
• Lament with her. Lord, this hurts. We don't understand. Please hold her.
• End with presence and hope, not pressure: You are near to the brokenhearted. Amen.

When she cannot pray, remember that the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered (Romans 8:26).

Scripture Without Clichés

As he that taketh away a garment in cold weather... so is he that singeth songs to an heavy heart (Proverbs 25:20). Some well-meant sayings feel like losing a coat in the cold. Avoid:

• Everything happens for a reason.
• God needed another angel.
• At least she's in a better place. (She may not be ready to hear it.)
• I know exactly how you feel.
• Be strong. or Don't cry.

Instead: I'm so sorry. I don't know why this happened, but I'm here. Tell me about her. When you share Scripture, choose one short verse, ask permission, and let it speak: The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart (Psalm 34:18). A Scripture card she can keep often helps more than a long reading.

Key Terms

In-Class Activities

Write a Lament

Using Psalm 13 as a model, write a four-part lament (turn to God, complaint, request, trust) for a composite grieving woman, or for a loss of your own if you choose. Keep it to eight to twelve lines. Sharing is optional.

Cliché Makeover

Rewrite each cliché as a comforting, honest response:

1. Everything happens for a reason.

2. At least you got to say goodbye on the phone.

3. God won't give you more than you can handle.

4. You need to be strong for your kids.

5. I know exactly how you feel.

6. She's in a better place, so don't be sad.

Assignment: Scripture and Prayer Cards

Make eight cards (index cards or a folded page) for your final toolkit:

• Six Scripture cards, each with one KJV verse of comfort or lament written out accurately (for example, Psalm 34:18, Psalm 46:1, Psalm 56:8, Lamentations 3:22–23, John 11:35, Matthew 5:4).
• Two short prayer cards (three to five sentences each): one for someone who has just received bad news, and one for someone grieving a loss she could not be present for.
• On the back of one card, write how you will ask permission before praying or sharing a verse.

Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.

Reflection Journal

Jesus wept at Lazarus's grave even though He knew He would raise him. What does it mean to you that Jesus weeps with the grieving? Is there a sorrow you have never brought honestly to God?

Prayer focus: Thank Jesus that He weeps with those who weep. Ask Him to give you honest words in prayer, to guard your lips from easy clichés, and to let His Word comfort through you.

Jesus Wept

Mary fell at Jesus' feet and said what many grieving people say: Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. Jesus did not correct her. He did not explain. He groaned in the spirit, and was troubled, and Jesus wept. He wept even though He knew that in a few minutes Lazarus would walk out of the tomb.

That tells us something about God. He is not embarrassed by tears. He does not hurry grief. And He gave us a whole language for honest sorrow: lament. How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? (Psalm 13:1). Job's long cries. The weeping of Lamentations, where in the middle of ruins a voice says, his compassions fail not. They are new every morning.

When we pray with hurting people, we can pray like that: short, honest, and with permission. Lord, this hurts. She misses her mother. We don't understand. Please hold her. We don't need to preach in prayer or correct anyone's feelings.

And we can lay down our clichés. Everything happens for a reason. God needed another angel. Be strong. Proverbs says singing songs to a heavy heart is like taking someone's coat in cold weather. Try instead: I'm so sorry. I don't know why. I'm here. Tell me about her. And if you share Scripture, one short verse on a card she can keep may say more than a sermon.

Think About It

1. What does it mean to you that Jesus wept? ______________________
2. What cliché have you said or heard that hurt more than helped? ______________________
3. What honest prayer do you need to bring to God? ______________________

Daily Devotions for Week 6

Jesus Wept

Jesus wept.— John 11:35 (KJV)

The shortest verse in the Bible shows the heart of God toward grief.

Reflect: How does Jesus' weeping change how you see your tears?

Pray: Jesus, thank You for weeping with us.

Do: Read John 11:17–44 slowly.

How Long?

How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?— Psalm 13:1 (KJV)

God welcomes honest questions in prayer.

Reflect: What how long question do you carry?

Pray: Lord, I bring You my honest questions.

Do: Write your own How long prayer.

New Every Morning

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.— Lamentations 3:22–23 (KJV)

Hope can rise even in the middle of lament.

Reflect: What mercy did you see this morning?

Pray: Lord, great is Your faithfulness.

Do: Name one new mercy before breakfast.

Groanings

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.— Romans 8:26 (KJV)

When we cannot find words, the Spirit prays for us.

Reflect: When have you had no words to pray?

Pray: Holy Spirit, pray for me when I cannot.

Do: Sit quietly before God without words for a few minutes.

Pour Out Your Heart

Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.— Psalm 62:8 (KJV)

Lament is pouring out the heart before a God who is our refuge.

Reflect: What do you need to pour out before Him?

Pray: Lord, I pour out my heart before You.

Do: Make a Scripture card of comfort for someone else.