Clear, Strong Sentences

What You Will Learn

• Identify and cut clutter: filler words, redundancy, and wordy phrases
• Distinguish active from passive voice and choose wisely
• Replace weak verbs and verb-plus-adverb pairs with strong verbs
• Line edit one page of your own writing

Lesson Notes

Cutting Clutter

Clutter is any word that takes up space without adding meaning. Common kinds:

• Filler words: really, very, just, basically, actually, quite.
• Redundant pairs: each and every, whole entire, true facts, gather together.
• Throat-clearing: I think that, in my opinion, it is important to note that.
• Wordy phrases: due to the fact that (because), at this point in time (now), in order to (to), made a decision (decided).

Proverbs 17:27 says the one with knowledge spareth his words. Fewer words often say more.

Active and Passive Voice

In active voice, the subject does the action: My daughter read the letter. In passive voice, the subject receives the action, using a form of be plus a past participle: The letter was read by my daughter. Passive voice is usually wordier and weaker.

Passive voice is not always wrong. Use it when the actor is unknown or unimportant (The church was built in 1952), or when you choose not to name a person to protect privacy. But watch for passive voice that dodges responsibility: Mistakes were made. Honest testimony says I made mistakes.

Strong Verbs

Strong, specific verbs carry a sentence. Replace a weak verb plus an adverb with one strong verb: walked slowly becomes shuffled; said loudly becomes shouted. Watch for:

• There is / there are openings: There were many people who came becomes Many people came.
• Hidden verbs in nouns: made a decision becomes decided; gave a hug becomes hugged.
• Was plus -ing: She was crying is not passive, but She cried or She sobbed is often stronger.

Keep Your Voice

Line editing should make your writing clearer, not make it sound like someone else. Keep the sayings, rhythms, and plain words that sound like you. Read each revised sentence aloud. If it no longer sounds like you, put some of your words back. Sometimes a longer sentence is right because it carries the rhythm of your voice.

Key Terms

In-Class Activities

Clutter Cutter

Rewrite each sentence with fewer words and the same meaning.

1. Due to the fact that I was late, I missed the bus. 2. At this point in time, I am really very grateful. 3. She stood up from the chair and walked over to the door. 4. It is important to note that my mother was a very strong woman. 5. There were many people who came to the service. 6. I made a decision to begin to start writing.

Wake Up the Verbs

Rewrite each sentence in active voice or with a stronger verb. One sentence is not passive; find it.

1. The letter was read by my daughter. 2. Mistakes were made by me. 3. The cake was baked by Grandma every Christmas. 4. He went quickly down the hall. 5. She was crying. 6. I made a decision to forgive him.

Assignment: Line Edit One Page

Choose one page (about 250–300 words) of your working copy:

• Count the words before you begin.
• Circle clutter, underline passive voice, and box weak verbs or verb-plus-adverb pairs.
• Rewrite the page cleanly, then count the words again.
• Read it aloud. Put back any words you need to keep your voice.
• Write two or three sentences on what you changed and what you chose to keep.

Graded with the Module Assignment Rubric.

Reflection Journal

Proverbs 17:27 says a person of knowledge spares his words. Where in your life, writing or speaking, would fewer, truer words help? Write about a time when a few plain words meant more than a long speech.

Prayer focus: Ask God to make your words clear, honest, and few enough to be heard.

Fewer, Truer Words

Clutter sneaks into every draft: really, very, just, basically, in my opinion, due to the fact that. Each word seems harmless, but together they bury what you mean. Proverbs 17:27 says the one with knowledge spareth his words.

Active voice tells who did what: My daughter read the letter. Passive voice hides or delays the actor: The letter was read. Passive voice has its uses, such as protecting someone's privacy, but it can also dodge responsibility. Mistakes were made is not the same as I made mistakes.

Strong verbs do the work of several weak words. Walked slowly becomes shuffled. Made a decision becomes decided. Look for verb-plus-adverb pairs and nouns that are hiding verbs.

As you cut, keep your voice. Read every revised sentence aloud. If it sounds like a stranger wrote it, put back some of your own words. Clear writing is not the same as plain-vanilla writing.

Think About It

1. Which clutter words do you use most? ______________________
2. Where in your story is active voice an act of honesty? ______________________
3. What phrases make your writing sound like you? ______________________

Daily Devotions for Week 5

Let Thy Words Be Few

Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.— Ecclesiastes 5:2 (KJV)

Reverence often sounds like fewer words. So does good writing.

Reflect: Where would fewer words say more?

Pray: Lord, make my words few and true.

Do: Cut ten unnecessary words from one page.

Yea and Nay

But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.— Matthew 5:37 (KJV)

Plain, direct words build trust.

Reflect: Where do you hedge instead of speaking plainly?

Pray: Lord, make my yes mean yes.

Do: Remove every I think that from your draft.

Sparing Words

He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.— Proverbs 17:27 (KJV)

Knowledge does not need to show off. It says what is needed.

Reflect: When has a short answer been the wise one?

Pray: Lord, give me an excellent spirit.

Do: Rewrite one long sentence as two short ones.

Doers of the Word

But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.— James 1:22 (KJV)

Faith is active. Strong writing is active too: someone does something.

Reflect: What is God calling you to do, not just hear?

Pray: Lord, make me a doer of Your Word.

Do: Change three passive sentences to active voice.

Easy to Be Understood

So likewise ye, except ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood, how shall it be known what is spoken? for ye shall speak into the air.— 1 Corinthians 14:9 (KJV)

Words no one understands are spoken into the air. Clarity is love for the reader.

Reflect: Who do you most want to understand you?

Pray: Lord, make my words easy to understand.

Do: Replace three weak verbs with strong ones.